When I had my first daughter over 7 years ago, I was a full blown new mom disaster. My mom was physically there for all of my first struggles; nursing, sleep training, the whole taking care of another human thing. She would hold her granddaughter and smirk at me because deep down, I think she knew I would get through this phase and another phase or challenge would be lurking around the corner. I will never forget her first piece of advice at that time
"Just show up. Every single day. And love
her." She told me.
To be honest, I thought to myself, what a really silly piece of advice! As a new and young mom and not being able to see two inches in front of my face I replied "Where am I going? Heck she's attached to me!" But that advice has stuck with me over the last 7 years.
I don't consider myself a veteran mom, I know it feels like a lifetime but I still have minimal years under my belt. I hope I have so many years ahead of me than the ones I've left behind. But this advice has followed me through every day, every year, and every child.
2020 was a year we never imagined. Unexpected, I guess, let's just leave it at that. But like every year, around this week, I always reflect on all that happened. I pick up my phone and just scroll. The days are long but the years fly, but not this one, we felt every moment of this one.
But as I scrolled I realized that while it felt like a Herculean effort to get from
one moment to the next, one smile to the next- there we were. From holidays, to
birthdays , to a plain old Tuesday. Smiling, happy, learning, thriving. Sure, it looked different (and I never thought I would have so many pictures with my house as the backdrop) but these little ones were still changing. And at the end of the year it's always astounding to see their growth.
Showing up has looked SO different throughout the years. It meant peeling myself out of a deep slumber to a crying newborn, running to get a bandaid to heal a boo, reading them a bed time story and listening to their stories at the end of the day. It's meant driving them to school, play dates, and activities. But this year we have had to show up in the most creative and unconventional ways.
To some, it meant balancing work and assisting their child with remote learning.
To some it meant keeping their small business afloat to keep food on their table. To some it meant showing up on the front lines because it's what they were called to do. To all of us it means one foot in front of the other. Day by Day. We just show up. Some days we rock. Other days, we are a rolling dumpster fire. But there we are.
As we show up for the last day of 2020. And while the clock strikes 12:01 and the calendar flips to 2021, not much more will change. I try to remember how many storms we have all wheathered at the end of every year. Our track record to overcome what is thrown our way is pretty darn good after all.
My heart hurts for all the loss but maybe if we reflect back on this year we will see how much we have grown and how much perspective, patience and grace we have gained. How much we have changed, perhaps, for the better. Maybe instead of all the bad we might be able to think of how much joy we continued to bring to those who relied on us and others.
Here are some of my favorite moments each month of 2020, although I still couldnt capture it all. My little family is my world, and we were blessed to finish off this year with sweet memories of friends and family. What my heart remembers and what my eyes see in these photos are not always the same. My heart remembers the worry but my eyes see the beauty in this year, in seeing the world through the wonder of their eyes. Next year. I know we will have extrodinary days, ordinary days, days that will never end, days we wish we could bottle up and hold onto forever. And for all those days, I'll throw on a pair of yoga pants splash some water on my face, brew some coffee, and show up and love them.