It was going to be a girls night, but not what you are thinking. A mommy daughter girls night with my 3 year old. We planned to go to the carnival. I was able to slip out of work a little early to make it before her bedtime. My daughter and I left the house hand in hand as she cheered that we would leave the boys (her dad and brother) behind. She reiterated in the car how it was just me and her, her and I, the two of us about to take on the world. We pulled up to the bright lights of the Ferris wheel and ticket booths. Flashing lights of games to be played and prizes to be won. I pulled my little girl with her thick locks of curls now pulled back into a messy ponytail, purple Daniel tiger shirt, and little pink puma tracksuit out of her car seat.
We got to the ticket booth and sprung for the 30 tickets so we could hit every kiddie ride just once before sunset. She had my full attention, but something else kept catching my eye.Everywhere I looked I saw teenage boys and girls. I saw them jumping out of their parents cars with nothing more than a wave and an "I’ll see you at 10 for pick up!" I watched them navigate their social situations. Some flicked their hair as they chatted awkwardly with a boy they clearly liked. Others looked like they just stepped off the nearest sports field and rushed to get there before the carnival ended. They swarmed the "big kid rides" like the zipper and the pirate ship. I watched them take numerous "selfies" as they combed through their hair with their hand, puckered their lips, and adjusted their baseball caps. I laughed. I thought to myself what a fun and awkward stage to be in. Like it was a right of passage into your twenties, to have these fumbling teen years. Where everyone from high school collected for a social conundrum.I had been there not too long ago.
We went on our way from ride to ride. We ran through the carnival as we rode on the carousal, spun on the pumpkin patch, went down the super slide on a burlap sack, rode the ferris wheel where my toddler claimed she could see the whole wide world and bungee jumped on a trampoline all the way to the stars.
I loved every minute of this night with her. But I kept seeing the flickers of these teens out of the corner of my eye. As the night went on I stopped, thinking about myself, and how I had once been in their exact shoes. I looked to my left, to my bouncy haired little 3 year old having the time of her life touching the sky with her "best friend" on girls night. It was then I realized this is the stage in which she will be heading towards one day and that thought jolted me. No, not just to this carnival in 13 years but this season of life. The one where I will rush home from work just to be the chauffeur to her girls night in high school. I'll be the one she waves bye to. And maybe she won't be chanting it be just a girls night after all. Maybe she will have her eye on the cute boy in her freshman class as she runs fearlessly toward the zipper ride.I held her tighter.
We soaked up that night as we used every last ticket before my mom senses kicked in that bedtime was drawing near. We shared a pink cotton candy. Licked the chocolate off our fried dough and laughed when it ended up in our hair.
To the mamas who ride the merry go round with their babies this spring carnival season and snap the classic photo on their child's favourite horse to the same classic music: hold them tight. Not just because these rides are faster than I remember when we were growing up, but because childhood is. We are the ones they chose to see the whole world from the top of a Ferris wheel. To the mama waiting for your babies from the cars, I'm not there yet but I saw you. I saw in your eyes how you reminisced of the days I have now.
My daughter recapped the night in the car on our way home. It was the best night she ever had. She asked if we could go to the carnival every year together, me and her. Her and I. I laughed and said yes, but I know one day I'll be the mom in that drop off line. The very one I watched in my rearview mirror as I drove away that night. The one worrying at home while she's out having fun. I won't always be the one she touches the stars with on the ferris wheel. But that night I was. The night I slipped out of work a little early to have our girls night. To catch the thrill of a carnival together. And so while I don't treasure every moment of the 3 year old phase, nor would I ask anyone to. I hold tight to these photos, to this season of parenting that is so fleeting. I will choose to stay in the present moment. This night was priceless. And as quickly as these carnivals are packed up on a Monday morning are just as quick as these moments that pass us by.